Gallery Hugo

1.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the
bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to
fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn’t know where to start.”
We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
2.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though it is permissible to substitute a calculator as a survival technique).
3.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come to stay with us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it.
And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.
4.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the film.
Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…. and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to others.
5.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. . . . either pair of shoes is fine. . . . with the belt or without it . . . looks fine. Your hair is fine. . . . you look fine.
Can we just go now?.